Your Love is my Drug
by xXAngelic ScarsXx
Summary: Warren didn't like who Nathan was when he was on drugs, and by the end of the night Nathan wouldn't like who that person was either.
1. Hate Me

So this was inspired by the song "Hate Me" by Blue October but then it ended so sad so I just kept writing. So, this first chapter is sad and the other ones are not! YAY!

A few things. In this AU, Blackwell is still a high school but it's for all four years, there's also a college and a university, Warren is only a year younger than Nathan, there's no shady darkroom business, and there's time jumps in the other two chapters so the characters could be considered out of character in those.

Also some potential trigger warnings: Mentions of drug use and abuse, emotional abuse, mentions of self mutilation.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy and review!

* * *

As Warren entered his apartment, he immediately knew that he was in for a very shitty Thursday night. The all-too-familiar smell of meth filled his nostrils and he wrinkled his nose in both repugnance and irritation. He didn't want to deal with this, especially not after a long day. He'd had a history test early that morning, followed by the most boring math lecture he'd ever had. Then, he had to rush to work a full eight-hour shift. After grabbing quick dinner at Taco Bell, he had to plan a presentation for his Small Group Communication class.

Fortunately, they'd at least finished their planning of the presentation early so he was able to get home before ten o'clock for once. He just wanted to go home and relax with his boyfriend Nathan, maybe pop some popcorn and chill out to a random movie since he didn't have to be up early the next day. Maybe they could cuddle and drink hot chocolate, or anything even remotely relaxing. It was what he'd really needed after an already trying day.

Except now, that wasn't going to happen. His happiness at coming home had immediately dissipated the moment he opened the door and he smelled that wretched smell again. The moment he slammed the door, the music that had been playing in their bedroom stopped, followed by a string of cuss words and some shuffling. For a moment, Warren considered not bringing up the issue, pretending he somehow hadn't figured out what had been going on while he was gone. He really didn't want to deal with that issue at that moment. However, he knew he had to be firm about this issue and couldn't let it drop or go ignored even once.

He stomped over to the bedroom door, angrily thrusting open the door. His eye's landed on his boyfriend, who was turning the ceiling fan on and was obviously trying to air out the room. It was as if he thought Warren was oblivious enough to have not noticed the smell already, not to mention the pipe lying on their bedside table.

To add insult to injury, it was also apparent that he was still too high to know or even care about how much trouble he was in. He either didn't notice the look of fury in Warren's eyes or he didn't care. This was apparent when Nathan sauntered over to him, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist. The erection in his pants which he was making sure to press into the other man's groin area made it obvious there were other things on his mind.

"Hey Baby, I didn't expect you home so soon." He leaned in for a kiss, surprised when Warren pulled away.

"You said you'd never do this again." Warren's brows were furrowed, his voice thick with bitterness. Their last meth-induced blowout, which was only a few weeks ago, didn't go too well. They ended up in a screaming match that ended with them both crying and Nathan swearing he'd never touch the drug again.

"It's not a big deal, Warren." Nathan attempted to grab his boyfriend by the waist again, to both try to change the subject as well as get a certain need met. He scowled when Warren once again pulled away. "It makes me happy."

Warren let out a loud, irritated sigh. "It could fucking kill you, Nathan! Meth can lead to cardiovascular problems, hyperthermia-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough with the After School Special Shit." It was apparent, at least to Warren, by the edge to his voice that Nathan was starting to come down from his high. "Can't you just chill the fuck out and let me have fun for once?"

"This isn't fun, Nate, it's fucking dangerous!" Warren didn't know what to do anymore. He'd said almost everything one could say to his boyfriend to try to convince him to stop using. He'd mentioned how Nathan could lose his scholarship and get kicked out of school. He'd mentioned all the horrible long-term effects of the drug. During their last fight, he told Nathan that he didn't like who he was when he was high, which just irritated his boyfriend more. "I don't want to come home one day to find that you've overdosed or something…" He felt his throat constricting, so he stopped his speech. The fear was always niggling in the back of his mind when he came home to that smell wafting throughout their apartment.

"I've got this under control, Babe. It's not like I'm an addict or anything."

Warren took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "Okay, fine. I'll entertain you. You're not addicted. So, then why did you do it again when you said you wouldn't?"

"I already fucking told you, if you'd listen," Nathan said as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "It makes me happy."

"Happier than I make you?"

"Don't you pull this bullshit!"

"I'm just trying to understand why this is so damn important that you're willing to fuck up our relationship for it.

If Warren wasn't standing right in front of the door, Nathan would have run out. He briefly considered jumping out of the window but knew Warren would probably grab him before he could. He really didn't want to deal with this. It wasn't like he had a problem, right? He wasn't using every day, though it was a lot more often than Warren knew about. It didn't interfere with his school or work life, or any of his relationships really except his romantic one.

He decided it would be in his best interest to turn the question back on Warren. "Then help me understand why this is such a big fucking deal to you."

Warren bit his lip, not sure if he should actually answer the question. The answer would likely just set Nathan off. There were a million reasons he hated the drug use. Some things were rather mundane like he hated the smells and how he'd rather Nathan spent the money on almost literally anything else. Others were much more serious things that he'd already told him before like he was afraid the drugs were going to kill him or take over his life even more than they already had.

"You're not you when you're on meth, Nathan." Warren awkwardly rubbed his own neck and avoided Nathan's gaze. "I don't like who you are when you're high and I don't like how you are when you come down from the high."

"Well, I don't like you at all."

There was a sinking feeling in Warren's chest. "You don't mean that, Nathan." He knew that what he said was true, but it still hurt none-the-less. The argument escalated slowly but felt like it was endless, mostly consisting of Nathan pacing around, saying and yelling things purely in an attempt to hurt his boyfriend and Warren periodically offering meek protests and meth facts and statistics over the course of a little under half an hour.

Nathan got further and further irritated, both due to the argument and from him coming down from the high. He wanted, more than anything, for the fight to stop and them to go about the rest of the night like it was any other. He was willing to say anything to do it, even if it wounded the one he loved more than anything.

"You're such a fucking know-it-all stick in the mud. I don't know what I ever saw in you."

"You said I was the best thing that ever happened to you…" Warren's voice broke, much like his heart as he heard that sentence. That had been _exactly_ what he'd meant when he said he didn't like high Nathan, that he was different in a very bad way. "Completely sober you would never talk to me like this…"

"Completely sober me is too much of a pussy to speak up. I know for a fucking fact that I could easily do so much better than you. You should feel lucky I even gave you a chance and that I'm still with you."

Warren had enough. He turned around, deciding that he was going to stay at a friend's house, a hotel, anywhere else, really. He couldn't stand there and be dumped on anymore, not when he knew that in the morning Nathan would regret every single word he'd uttered. Tears were streaking down his cheeks, his face a red blotchy mess and his wounded heart was pounding.

"I need to get out of here…" he managed to choke out. Very quickly, he was facing Nathan, who had grabbed Warren's arm roughly and turned him around.

"You were the one who wanted to talk about this shit. So, let's fucking talk about it."

Warren squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to meet his boyfriend's gaze and the tears flooded down his cheeks. "How could you do this to me?"

It was like the words flipped a switch in Nathan's brain. All at once, he began to notice everything he'd been ignoring. He noticed the lingering stench of the meth, felt the layer of sweat that was all over his body and a pounding in his head. He finally saw the pained expression on his boyfriend's face, that his lip had been bruised and bloody from him nervously chewing on it, and his crimson cheeks glistening in the light from all the tears he'd shed. All because of Nathan. All because of things he said that he didn't really mean because of what that drug did to him.

Because of the drug, Nathan had hurt Warren. He'd been cruel to the boy who'd been there for him when he came out of the closet and got completely cut off from his dad back in their high school days. He'd been brutal to the one that hadn't panicked when they saw the scars littering his arms, the one who instead kissed him and promised to be there for him whenever the urge to do that again hit him. He's been vicious to the boy who was so very gentle with him their first time, yet as rough as Nathan wanted when they'd gotten very comfortable with each other. He'd been merciless to the one person he could have honestly seen himself once day marrying, the one he wanted to come home to every day for the rest of his life.

That man deserved better than the monster he had become.

Nathan released his grip on Warren's arm and he said, barely above a whisper, "Get out."

Warren finally met his gaze as a look of surprise washed over him. "What?"

Nathan spoke quickly, knowing his resolve would dissipate if he didn't. "I'm sure your friends will let you move into their spare room."

Warren looked panicked, making it apparent that he still didn't want to lose Nathan even though Nathan knew he deserved better. The desperation in his voice was evident as he said, "But Nathan, I love you!"

Nathan fought the urge to repeat the sentiment back. "You shouldn't. You should hate me. I'll pack all your shit and you can pick it up after work tomorrow. I'll be working my own shift, so you won't have to worry about running into me. Just leave the key on the kitchen counter, okay?"

"Nate," Warren cried, "I'm not leaving you. I'm not going to a friend's house."

Nathan shook his head, sidestepping around Warren. "Then I'm going to Victoria's. I expect you to be gone when I get back tomorrow morning." He grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out the door, denying himself his urge to look back at Warren.

He would have allowed himself to break down the second his entered his red truck but was afraid Warren would run after him. He sped away, dialing Victoria's number as he drove. He was happy the streets were mostly vacant as he was driving erratically. He would have surely gotten into an accident had it not been the middle of the night.

When Victoria answered she was panicking, knowing that something truly awful had happened and assumed the worst. She let out an audible sigh of relief when he reassured her that no one was dead or in need of medical service. She was waiting on the porch of the townhouse she was renting and ran to hug him when he got out of the car. He waited until he was in the privacy of her bedroom to tell her the whole sordid story.

"Victoria…" he murmured as he finished the story, his eyes bloodshot from crying instead of from the drugs, "I need help."

* * *

Victoria really was the best friend Nathan could have ever asked for. To others she could be harsh, downright mean, but only because she was so insecure and so scared. In some ways, she understood Nathan and it helped that he never put up with her overly-confident façade. That's why she'd been a good friend to him since week one and that's why she was a good friend to him now. The second she finished her morning shift at the boutique she worked part-time at, she drove to Nathan's house, grabbed him, and left. The previous night she promised to do what she could to help him and they'd both deduced that he needed to go to a counselor of some sort.

Even so, she knew it was intimidating for him to actually go to such a place. Doing so would not only make him admit that he really had a problem, but it would also force him to deal with his many deep-seeded issues. He'd never actually wanted to deal with those things before. He'd always push them away and when he couldn't he'd find some other way to deal with the emotion: drugs, sex, a few times food when he had nothing else, and back before Warren he'd injure himself. However, he now felt he absolutely needed to deal with all of these things. If it caused him to treat someone as amazing as Warren so badly, then he really needed help.

Nathan just wished, more than anything, it had never gotten to that point. He regretted so deeply that he hadn't listened to Warren years ago, that he hadn't done this sooner. He could have kept Warren in his life and dealt with his issues. Now he couldn't. He couldn't let Warren be with someone who didn't deserve him. He deserved someone special.

After all, Warren was so special and so amazing to Nathan. He knew that even when they met so long ago at Blackwell Academy, though no one would know it because of the fact that he refused to acknowledge the nerd. That was until he had no choice and they got thrown together for a history presentation their Junior year that was worth way too much of their grade. They had to work late into the night, forcing them to have to leave the safety of the library and instead be alone in Warren's dorm room. When the project was almost completely finished and they declared their work done for the night, Nathan kissed him. He was surprised when Warren kissed him back.

During their three-year relationship. Warren did so much for him. He helped Nathan work on applications for scholarships so he could still go to his choice college when his Father cut him off. He helped Nathan stop cutting. He never made Nathan feel judged for the thoughts in his head that made him feel crazy. He was everything Nathan needed and more, and how did he repay him? By screaming vile things that he didn't mean at him and doing one of the few things he'd promised to never do again. Warren deserved someone better than that. He deserved someone that would fully appreciate everything he had to offer, someone that wasn't as nearly as fucked up as Nathan.

When Nathan first entered the rehabilitation center his immediate reaction was to bolt or at least vomit, despite the fact that he knew in his bones it was the best thing for him. He needed to get better and he needed to make sure he never treated anyone as wonderful as Warren as terribly as he had ever again. He froze after taking a few steps into the building, taking in the sight of the place he was sure he was going to spend a ton of time in for at least the next year. He was shaken from his trance as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked at Victoria, who was giving him a reassuring smile.

"You got this, Nate."

He really hoped that she was right.

* * *

Warren had never hated having a true day off as much as he had at that moment. Midterms had passed so he had no homework to do, especially since he was already as ahead as he could get. He'd been scheduled to work the maximum number of hours he was allowed to for a part-timer, so he couldn't even get called in to work. His room was already completely organized. Kate had gone on a cleaning spree the day before, so he couldn't even clean the rest of the house. It was the first time he had absolutely nothing to do since the break-up weeks ago.

He stared up at the ceiling from where he was lying on what used to be his roommate's guest bed. It felt so strange to him living in a house full of girls and it was a bit painful that he lived with two couples. Though they were sensitive enough to refrain from showing affection when they knew he was around, he'd often walk in on them doing simple couple things like sharing a kiss or cuddling on the sofa. There was also one horrifying experience when he took a shower and about halfway through he heard Chloe and Rachel fooling around in their bedroom. Other than that, though, it was nice. He was hardly ever alone, which was exactly what he needed.

He didn't want to think about what happened. If he thought about it, it would mean it really did happen and that he wasn't currently living in some weird and fucked-up nightmare. He still loved Nathan, despite all the things that he had said. Although they stung when he heard the terrible things come out of Nathan's mouth, he knew they weren't true and so they didn't really have a lasting effect on him. He was still so worried about Nathan to the point where the first time he saw Victoria on campus he cornered her and made her promise to tell him if Nathan overdosed or was sent to the hospital or something.

The words really didn't hurt him. What had hurt him was the fact that he wasn't with Nathan anymore. The thought of what they'd been through and what they were going to do had they stayed together was what wounded him the most. Because of school and work they hadn't even gotten to properly celebrate their three-year-anniversary. They had plans to go away to celebrate it at the beginning of Thanksgiving Break. They were going to drive up to Newport and do touristy things like go to the aquarium and eat at Mo's and just be a normal couple. They were talking about even going up to Tillamook to tour the cheese factory.

But now that would never happen and it hurt like hell. He knew logically that he'd eventually be okay but that did little to dull the ache in his heart. He'd had so much faith in Nathan and loved him so very much. Being without him made him feel alone, even when he actually wasn't. Everything seemed to lose its luster. Even video games and science weren't all that appealing. Movies were at times downright painful to try to watch. He'd eat only just enough to get by, and that was mostly because Max and Kate made sure to stuff his face whenever they could.

He was ashamed that several times he'd attempted to contact Nathan. He'd gone to the apartment a few times and called several. If he had a little less self-respect, he would have tracked down Nathan at work or at his classes. His life just seemed so bleak without the man he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with and he wondered if he'd ever be able to fall in love again.


	2. Breaking the Habit

I wanted to update this a few days ago but I realized I never edited this chapter arg _ But it's here.

I don't remember if I mentioned it, but in this AU thingy Nathan's bipolar, even though I'm pretty sure he's schizophrenic.

Also the chapter takes a very different, happy turn very quickly and I don't know how well it really meshes with the first chapter but this thing was supposed to only be a short story and turned into a 3-chapter fic (ficlet?) and I just wanted it to be happy because Nathan. Has suffered. Too. Fucking. Much. And I just want him to be happy, healthy, with his issues under control for the most part.

Anyways! Enjoy!

* * *

It had been a couple of years since he'd set foot at that particular rehabilitation center and he was delighted to be returning for a very different reason than why he'd first came. The first time he set foot in that building was a Friday morning, almost five years ago. He was only a few months away from receiving his Five-Year Chip for five years without drugs or even alcohol and everything was looking up. After all, this time, he wasn't going to Arcadia Bay Rehab as a patient but instead as an addiction counselor.

His love for photography had never faltered but after a few months of going to an actual counselor that hadn't been paid off by his father to just dope him up, mixed with him taking Intro. To Psychology that very semester, he felt like he'd found his calling. He was still constantly taking photos in his spare time, editing them, and had even sold a few to magazines and such but there was just something so special to him about the prospect of seeing people who were like he'd once been really not that long before and helping them come to their full potential. Not to mention throughout the duration of his training he'd worked on himself quite a bit and he was exponentially more mentally healthy than he could ever remember being in his whole life.

There were still bad days, days where he hated the world and all the people who lived on it. There were days where the moment he got home from work or school he would just lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling. There were days he struggled to get anything done because all he could focus on was all the things he'd every fucked up during his life, or sometimes one particular thing would plague him. Fortunately, these days didn't occur as regularly as they once did. Sometimes months would pass before he had a truly shitty day like those.

How he handled those days was also drastically different than he used to. The drive to self-medicate was still there sometimes and when it got too bad he'd force himself to either go somewhere he wouldn't be able to easily find drugs or invite someone over who wouldn't let him do drugs. He'd call Victoria or one of his friends he made at the rehab centers when he was having a really bad day.

He was surprised when he actually got the job at the rehab center Victoria took him to, but was extremely happy to be returning to the Bay. He liked completing his Master's Degree up in Portland because the school and his professors were amazing but he didn't like living there. He missed the small city he'd grown up in, even if it was mostly run by his estranged father. It was also a major bonus that Victoria frequently found excuses to visit the town, even if she actually lived far away in Seattle.

He quickly got into his job, immensely enjoying it and finding it the most rewarding thing he'd ever done. He couldn't imagine doing anything else for the rest of his life. There were some days that were particularly trying, and being on call at times was a bit of a bother, but these inconveniences didn't really bother him enough to complain about. After all, he'd endured a lot worse.

* * *

It was October when Nathan was asked to go to the local colleges to do some tabling and give a few presentations to educate the new freshmen for National Substance Abuse Prevention Month. They wanted him specifically to go because he was so young and could much more easily relate to the college kids than most of the other staff. He was touched and enthusiastically agreed. It was better than the paperwork he would typically be doing on those days and it would be nice to go out into the community and help.

He and the colleague they sent with him were extremely well prepared. They had a multitude of pamphlets of various kinds to hand out. Their presentation they'd put together was informative yet interactive so the kids would actually pay attention. They were both knowledgeable in the field, so they were extremely well prepared on that front as well.

What Nathan hadn't prepared for and what he couldn't have even thought was a possibility was seeing Warren Graham walking across the community college campus. When he first saw Warren enter the cafeteria he assumed he just saw someone that resembled his ex-boyfriend. A few minutes later when he left with food and was nearing the quad he knew he wasn't seeing things. His hair was quite a bit shorter and he was dressed like a cliché college professor, tweed jacket and all, but he was most definitely Warren Graham.

It was especially apparent that that's who it was when their eyes met and Warren completely froze. He didn't look scared or angry, thankfully, but he looked rather surprised. He was sure he looked shocked, too, as he never expected to see Warren on the community college campus. He was happy that instead of walking somewhere else or acting like he hadn't seen him, Warren walked right up to the table Nathan was sitting at.

"Nathan? Nathan Prescott?" There was a quizzical look on Warren's face. After he'd heard Nathan moved out of Arcadia Bay, he never thought they'd see each other again. It also felt kind of strange speaking to Nathan again, since it was the first time he had since they broke up.

Nathan looked up at Warren from his seat with an unreadable expression on his face. "Hello, Warren."

"That's Professor Graham, now." Warren's voice was teasing but Nathan thought he could detect a slight edge to his voice. "Soon to be Dr. Graham," he said cheerfully as he glanced down at the brochures on the table, "…and I see you're here for substance abuse prevention and not something to do with photography?"

Nathan smiled, relieved that things were going rather lightly considering how they'd departed even though that might as well have been a lifetime ago. It was nice to see that Warren was still Warren and he hadn't destroyed him. He deeply regretted all the things he'd put Warren through during their time dating and the one thing he'd regretted most was not apologizing before leaving for Portland. He hadn't expected Warren to still be at Arcadia Bay when he returned.

"I'm an addiction counselor. I changed my major towards the end of my sophomore year."

"That's great, Nathan. I teach biochem here. Speaking of which, I actually gotta go. My office hours start-" Warren checked the time on his phone, "-erm, started a few minutes ago. How about you give me your number so we can try to catch up later?"

Nathan was elated. The chance to talk to Warren again, to be able to apologize face-to-face, was something that he'd always wanted to do. He rattled off his number and bid Warren goodbye. He was excited a few minutes later when Warren texted him so he'd have his number as well. He was truly looking forward to catching up with Warren.

* * *

The next weekend, Warren was happy that he was meeting Nathan for breakfast at Two Whales diner. The place was casual, so he knew Nathan wouldn't get the wrong idea, yet the food was still amazing. He also had a lot to still do that day, so he had an excuse to make a quick getaway if he needed to. Though he was excited, he was still extremely apprehensive. Things hadn't exactly gone well when they parted all those years ago.

He smiled as he entered the diner and noticed Nathan already sitting at a booth. Early, as he always used to be when he wasn't on one thing or another. He seemed happy to see Warren as well, for he had a soft smile on his face as Warren slid into the booth across from him. He greeted him, mentally noting how strange it was seeing Nathan with his long sleeves rolled up to his elbows; the Nathan he used to know would never have let his arms be exposed, not with all the scars littering them. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that they were now so faint you wouldn't even notice them unless you already knew they were there.

Nathan greeted Warren back, mentally noting how he still dressed practically the same. The only thing that really had visually changed, other than his hair cut, was his face had definitely matured. His face was leaner and sharper but was still as smooth as ever. He'd never been able to grow facial hair. Nathan decided to cut to the chase.

"What have you been up these past.." he thought a moment, "five years? Has it really been five years?"

Warren chuckled. "Weird, isn't it? The last time we really talked we couldn't even legally drink yet. I was still technically a teenager."

"Yeah, I don't do any of that sort of thing anymore."

"Teenagers?" Warren gave him a teasing grin.

Nathan chuckled, happy to see that Warren was still the same dork he'd always known. "No. Well yes, but I meant drinking. None of that kind of shit."

There was a question on Warren's tongue but he dared not ask it: "Even meth?" His body was tense as the memories flooded him but he was fairly certain that Nathan had to of given up that drug. He'd researched enough about the drug to know just how fucked up Nathan would look it he'd continued losing it.

Nathan continued as if he could hear what Warren was thinking. "I'm going to be getting my five-year-chip at Narcotics Anonymous soon."

Warren quickly put two-and-two together, realizing their breakup must have had something to do with Nathan's sobriety. That was another thing he didn't allow himself to ask about. There was no way the two weren't connected. They didn't need to be delving into those things anyway.

"That's amazing, Nathan. I'm really happy for you." He paused a moment, taking a drink of the coffee the waitress had brought him. He wanted badly to change the subject, not wanting to dwell on that part of the past. "Is NA why you decided to change what career field you were going into?" He was rather proud of that smooth segue.

Nathan nodded. "I still do a lot of photography, though. I've been doing a series on Arcadia Bay since coming back and I wanted to photograph this place. I was really happy you'd suggested going here." He glanced out the window, a nostalgic look in his eyes. He picked up his decaf coffee and took a drink, his eyes never leaving the window. "You never answered my question."

So, over breakfast, Warren told him what had happened. He completed his BS and MA in Biochemistry and was just starting to work on getting his Ph.D. in the subject. Meanwhile, he was teaching at the local community college to pay the bills and gain experience. He wouldn't mind being a professor, but what he'd really like to do was going into something where he'd actually apply his acquired knowledge instead of teaching it.

Warren had apparently also started dating one of his friends, Brooke, over a year ago. Things were going fairly well and they moved in with each other over the last summer. Nathan was truly happy for him as Warren deserved to move on with his life and to settle down with someone special but it just reminded him of the breakup he'd endured when he decided to move back to Arcadia Bay. They hadn't been dating for that long, but the ex-boyfriend didn't take being left very well. Other than their serious talks about love and careers, they made small talk and laughed about funny things from their shared past that they remembered. When their laughter over the memory of the one and only time Nathan got Warren high, a troubled expression crossed Nathan's face.

He fidgeted with his coffee cup as he spoke, "There was another reason I wanted to talk to you, Warren."

Warren leaned back, uncomfortable by the sudden change in Nathan's demeanor. "Oh?"

"I know it's been a long time and obviously you don't hate me or you wouldn't have brought up catching up, but… I just wanna tell you how sorry I am."

"Nathan, it's fine." Warren was very visibly tense and rubbed the back of his neck like he always did when he felt awkward.

"No, it's not. You were so kind and good to me and you deserved a lot better than who I was at the time and I'm so sorry for what I put you through."

Warren gave him a melancholy smile. "That means a lot. I was never mad at you, though. I was just… sad. I guess I was sad at you."

Nathan smiled. "I also really wanted to thank you. I don't think I'd have ever given up meth, or drugs at all, if it weren't for you. All those things you used to tell me could have happened to me probably would have happened by now, and instead I'm helping people who were like who I was back then. I really appreciate what you did for me, Warren, more than I think that you could ever know."

That meant a lot more to Warren than the apology, honestly, for he really hadn't ever been angry with Nathan. He knew the kind of life Nathan had led and he couldn't be all that angry about his drug addiction considering how the first seventeen years of his life had been spent. He never completely had stopped worrying about what the drugs could have done to Nathan and it was such a relief to know that he was free of them.

"It makes me so happy to hear that, Nathan."


	3. It's Been a While

So this is probably the fluffiest, cheesiest shit I have ever written. I wrote it like after I rebeat the game and I was just fueled by that sadness and I was just all, "I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT!" so I totally laid it on too thick. It's like… fucking so damn sweet it'll rot your teeth out but I decided to keep it that way because my sad, psychotic cinnamon roll has suffered enough and I want him to be happy dammit.

Oh yeah. There's another time jump.

Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy it :D

* * *

It was a late Saturday night when Nathan got a call from Warren asking if he could come over. He was actually making out on his couch with a guy whom things were on the cusp of becoming serious with, but he answered the ringing phone anyway when he saw who it was. It was a safe assumption that when Warren actually called, not texted nor instant messaged, that something was wrong.

When he answered the phone, Warren sounded distressed. After three and a half years of dating, Brooke dumped him. Warren insisted that he really, really, really needed to see him. He apologized profusely for ruining his date but he kept saying there was no one else he'd rather be with at that moment. In a way, Nathan was touched by this but he was still a little irritated. Just when things were starting to get interesting, he had to kick his date out of the house.

He couldn't really blame Warren, though. After almost two years of them rekindling their friendship, they'd grown remarkably close, perhaps even closer than they'd been as a couple. They'd gone back to doing a lot of the things they used to do, like having movie marathons just without the kissing and cuddling. Things were also a lot less one-sided as Nathan was now emotionally competent enough to actually be there for Warren, like he was being at that moment.

The fact that they were so close made the news of Warren and Brooke breaking up especially odd to Nathan. He knew very well how close the two had been. They were extremely compatible with similar interests, intelligence levels, they rarely argued and hadn't been in a bought of big fights recently. To Nathan, it looked as if the breakup happened completely out of the blue.

Warren got to Nathan's home fairly quickly. Nathan was surprised at how calm Warren seemed considering what had just happened. Nathan had anticipated Warren to be hysterical, but really he just seemed sad. Actually, he could have sworn that Warren seemed more anxious than anything else and really only just a bit shaken. He assumed he was just somehow misreading Warren, or maybe Warren was just nervous about his future now that Brooke had left him. When he asked how he was doing, Warren kept insisting that he was "Alright" and "Fine" and Nathan assumed Warren was just in denial.

Nathan was patient and refrained from asking Warren what had happened, knowing full-well that he'd talk about it when he was ready to. Instead, he did what he could to comfort the other man. He guided Warren to the couch and handed him a blanket to curl up in. He popped in the old Super Mario Bros. movie from the 90s, knowing it was one of the movies that Warren found so awful that he laughed through the whole thing. He then left Warren on his own for a few minutes while he made some hot chocolate and popped some popcorn. It was an odd combination but he knew both were things Warren found soothing and, dammit, Nathan was going to do the best he could to be there for him.

As he handed Warren a mug of hot chocolate and set down the popcorn bowl on the coffee table, Warren mumbled, "I really am okay, Nate, I promise."

Nathan's responded with a disbelieving frown as he sat down on the other side of the couch. They sat and watched the movie for a bit, sipping hot chocolate, eating popcorn, and giggling at how awkward Luigi was portrayed in the movie. Plus, the technological limitations in the early 90s were awful and laughable in and of itself. Nathan could easily tell Warren was having a difficult time concentrating on the movie.

Had Nathan's full attention been on the movie, it would have seemed completely random when Warren started talking. "I saw the breakup coming." He fidgeted with the now empty mug in his hand as he turned to look at Nathan. "I uh… I actually kinda wanted it to happen. Things just haven't been the same for a long time now."

Nathan sipped at his half-finished hot chocolate to allow himself a moment to think before speaking. "What do you mean by that? You always talked like you were so happy with her and you two haven't seemed to be acting any differently since we started talking again."

"In a way, I guess I was kinda happy. She's a really good friend and I enjoy spending time with her…" Warren sighed, setting his mug down on a coaster on the coffee table. "It felt like she was _just_ a really good friend, though. A really good friend that I had really good sex with sometimes." When he saw a perplexed look cross Nathan's face, he decided to elaborate. "Like, I liked spending time with her but not enough to think I could do it for the rest of my life. Plus, just because the sex felt good doesn't mean it was all that great. There wasn't really a connection anymore, ya know?"

Nathan nodded. "Yeah, I know, but you didn't dump her..?"

"Yeah," Warren nervously rubbed the back of his head, "I thought I'd be able to fall back in love with her, but she figured out something was wrong and she dragged it out of me before that could happen." Warren averted his gaze from Nathan's, instead focusing on some photos that hung on one of the walls. "Besides, she figured out I was in love with someone else."

Nathan shifted on the couch, leaning in with interest as he sipped at his hot chocolate. "Max?"

Warren chuckled, eyes still avoiding Nathan. "That was like ten years ago that I liked hr. Plus, she's married to Kate and therefor Brooke doesn't see her as a threat anymore."

"So it's someone who's single…" Nathan thought aloud as he set his mug on the side table. His gaze shifted back to Warren. "It's not one of your students, right?"

Again, Warren chuckled. "Of course not; that's creepy as fuck." Suddenly he looked so serious. "Brooke found me sulking in our room and demanded to know what was wrong and why I'd been so distant…" He briefly glanced at Nathan as he said, "I couldn't lie to her, ya know? She deserves better than that. I didn't wanna hurt her… but I did."

Nathan nodded, scooting a little closer to Warren and placing a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to be sure Warren knew he was listening, that his full attention was on the rambling man. Warren looked at him with uncertainty, like he wasn't sure he'd actually done the right thing by being honest.

"It's best that you didn't lie to her; it would have been fucked up to lie and lead her on." He gently squeezed Warren's shoulder. "You don't choose how you feel."

Warren smiled. "Who'd have thought someone who used to be so uncouth could grow up to be such a good counselor?" He bit his lip nervously as he slid just a little closer to Nathan, their knees lightly touching. "But you're right, you don't choose how you feel-" he gazed into Nathan's eyes, "-or who you fall in love with."

Up until that point, Nathan hadn't even the slightest inkling that Warren could have been referring to him. Though his feelings for Warren had resurfaced quickly after they started routinely talking again, he never entertained the notion that Warren's own feelings could return. He never seriously considered acting on his feelings; between the fact that Warren was in a serious relationship and how their own relationship had ended, he'd personally declared Warren off-limits. So, it had never even crossed his mind that when Warren said he was in love with someone else it could have possibly meant Nathan.

However, now it was obvious to him with that look in Warren's eyes that was once so familiar to him. It was the same look Warren would give him after they made love, the same one Warren gave when he attempted to make some sort of food, and the same one he'd see when he gave Warren hugs or cuddles after a particularly difficult day. It was a look that Nathan thought he'd ever receive again and now that he saw it, he didn't really know how to handle it.

"You're just vulnerable, Warren."

"Then why have I been feeling this same way for months?" Warren grabbed Nathan's hand, gently lacing their fingers together. He was surprised when Nathan didn't pull away. "I knew I loved you last Easter, when we all went over to Max and Kate's and you helped me dye the eggs. I didn't wanna say anything because I was with Brooke, and things were okay and then you started dating that guy and I… I just freaked out."

Nathan was in a stunned silence. He scanned Warren's face, realizing he was indeed very serious about his confession and that maybe it wasn't caused by him being in a fragile state. He knew what Warren looked like when he was emotionally weak or scared and this wasn't it. It made him happy, incredibly so, that Warren felt the same way. Yet, he felt he shouldn't be happy about this for he still couldn't allow himself to be with Warren again.

"I never stopped missing you, Nathan," Warren continued. "You were so wonderful back then and you had so much potential. Seeing you reach that potential now, seeing how you overcame your addiction and how hard you work every single day to manage your bipolar disorder… It's amazing, you're amazing and it made me fall in love with you all over again."

Nathan felt his heart sink as he said, "This can't happen, Warren." Even though he said it and fully believed it, he still didn't pull his hand away nor did he create any sort of physical distance. He didn't have the willpower to. "You deserve so much better than someone who hurt you. You should still hate me."

Warren leaned nearer, their faces now unbearably close. Nathan could smell his intoxicating scent and see the certainty in his eyes. He remembered that look very well. It was the one Warren would give him whenever he was feeling really down on himself and needed someone to pick him up.

"I never hated you, Nate, and I never could. What I deserved was someone who made me laugh and could laugh with me, which you did. I deserved someone who didn't judge me for all the weird and nerdy stuff I like, which you did. I deserved someone who loved me unconditionally, which you always did. The only thing you couldn't give me was someone who wasn't on drugs, which you can now give me."

He leaned even closer, their lips millimeters apart as he gazed intensely into Nathan's eyes. Nathan's pulse was racing due to their close proximity and his mind was whirring. He thought he needed to pull back, to create more distance but he couldn't. The nearness was what he'd craved and it was far more addicting than any drug he'd ever tried.

"I don't deserve a second chance," he whispered, blushing as he realized that they were so close that their lips briefly touched when he spoke.

"Yes, you do."

As they kissed for the first time in almost seven years, Nathan felt a complex cocktail of emotions. He was angry at himself for letting it happen and for not pulling away and yet he wasn't, because he also felt bliss. It was scary and exciting and wonderful and he could no longer lie to himself: he was once again in love with Warren Graham. He felt his resolve weaken even further as their tongues danced against each other. The familiar kiss and smell and taste were comforting yet pleasurable and invigorating. He groaned as Warren pulled away slightly, not wanting the kiss to end.

"I'm so sorry about all those things I said to you."

Warren knew exactly what he was referring to. He smiled as he reached out one of his hands to cup Nathan's cheek. There was a tender look in his eyes as he realized they were at least getting somewhere and maybe, just maybe, they'd both be able to get what they wanted.

"That's history, Nathan. You've already apologized for those things."

Nathan pulled away just enough to make sure he could see all of Warren's face, though the hand never left his cheek. "It's not history, Warren. I think about what I did to you all the time and I can remember literally everything I said to you." He paused a moment, not even realizing he was leaning into Warren's hand. "I… I know you forgave me and I know I need to forgive myself, but I can't until I clarify some things."

Warren nodded, leaning in to give Nathan a quick peck. He gently rubbed Nathan's cheek with his thumb, wanting to do what he could to comfort the other man. He wanted so much for Nathan to actually forgive himself so they could move on in their discussion. Even if they didn't actually get back together, he'd feel a lot better knowing Nathan no longer was angry at himself for his past mistakes.

Nathan took a deep breath to calm he spoke. "I could never do better than you, Warren. Even back then I knew that and I especially know that now. You're amazing and not a know-it-all, you're just really smart, like the smartest most driven person I've ever met. And I think maybe you're the most fun person I've ever met, too. You just always knew drugs and alcohol weren't needed to be fun. There's no one I can laugh with like you, not even Victoria and you know much she means to me…"

Warren was actually teary eyed. "Nathan…" he gasped out before attempting to lean in for another kiss, only to have Nathan press a finger to his lips.

"Just one more thing, Warren." Nathan closed his eyes and took another deep breath, trying to prevent his own eyes from filling with tears. It felt amazing to get the dirty little regrets off of his chest, but the next thing he was about to go over was what he'd regretted saying the most. It was the one thing he knew had actually deeply bothered Warren, at least back then it did.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Warren staring intently back. "I remember-" he took another deep breath, "-I used to always say when I was on meth that I didn't know what I saw in you and I know it hurt you so much and I feel like such an asshole because that's why I used to say it to you all the time…" His voice cracked and both he and Warren were crying now. He took another deep breath, trying to work through the quavering in his voice as he continued, "But I know what I saw in you. I still see it in you, Warren. You're funny and smart and kind and…" He gently squeezed Warren's hand. "You've got the most amazing heart, Warren. You just… you care so much and it's just so wonderful to see. I just worry you're giving up the potential to be with someone better in your life-"

"Stop it, Nate!" Warren managed to choke out through tears before planting a brief, passionate kiss on the other's lips. "I may have deserved better back then, but who you are now is better. You've grown so much and I you don't give yourself enough credit. Nathan Prescott, I love you and I want to be with you again."

Nathan looked into Warren's eyes, questioning what he should do. He wanted to fully believe what Warren was saying, that he truly was worthy of Warren. He'd been told and had told others that forgiveness was key to recovery and a happy life and that included forgiving oneself for their past mistakes. However, even with forgiveness on all fronts, did that mean that it was a good idea to try a relationship again? The look of love in Warren's eyes said yes.

"I love you so much, Warren," he whispered as he leaned in closer, their lips lightly touching. "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you."

* * *

Nathan's eyes fluttered open as he woke from his sound slumber. He could see from the window that the sun was already mostly up and thought about how nice it was to wake without an alarm. However, what wasn't that nice was realizing that he was waking up alone. He especially didn't like this because he distinctly remembered falling asleep with a certain wonderful someone wrapped up in his arms.

He groaned as he stretched and quickly got out of bed since there was no one there to entertain him or cuddle with. After doing his usual morning bathroom routine he decided to head onto the balcony. He grabbed his robe, knowing the coastal air was going to be freezing in the early October morning. Even with the robe, his breath hitched as the crisp air hit his face. That didn't matter as he looked to the side and saw his beloved sitting in one of the seats on the patio set, two cups of coffee on the table and a handheld game in his hands.

Nathan walked over to greet him, leaning down to share a kiss. "Good morning, Warren," he said as he sat down in the other seat and scooted it so they were next to each other and so he could enjoy the beach view, "…and Happy Anniversary."

Warren looked away from his game, giving Nathan a quick kiss on the cheek before he echoed back, "Happy Anniversary!" He motioned towards one of the disposable coffee cups on the table before returning to his game. "I got you your favorite!"

Nathan smiled, thanking his boyfriend before taking a sip at the warm beverage. He just sat there, enjoying the slow morning and taking everything in. The only sounds he could really hear were the crashing of the small waves and, very faintly, the music from Warren's game. The sun wasn't completely up so there was still some pretty pinks and purples in the sky and the beach they could see was still void of people.

As he looked at Warren next to him, the concentrated look on the nerd's face that showed whenever he was fighting a boss on a video game, he couldn't help but think about how lucky he was. Almost eight years ago he'd royally screwed up and taken Warren for granted. He'd never imagined Warren coming back into his life, especially not in a romantic way. When they first got back together he was terrified he'd ruin things again, but he hadn't. Warren was right; they'd both grown so much and this time, things were going so well. They were more open, more honest, more comfortable, and more in love than they'd ever been before.

"Fuck you, Koga, and your God-damn poison Pokémon!" Warren snapped, shaking Nathan from his quiet contemplation.

Nathan chuckled, glancing at the screen on his boyfriend's game. "Polkamon? You fucking dork. How… how old is this game? Those graphics are awful."

Warren gave him a glare and playfully nudged him. "It's _Pokémon_ , you uncultured swine, and this is Pokémon Yellow. It's a classic, and for the record for the time those graphics were phenomenal… I think."

"It's older than even you are."

"It is not! I was like 2, and that doesn't matter!" Warren let out an irritated groan and turned off the game. "I fucking lost…" He huffed as he set the handheld on the table, then smiled at he looked at Nathan. Warren always had bounced back quickly.

"…What?"

Warren put an arm around Nathan, skootching even closer. "Can you believe we finally made it to Newport?"

"And it only took us eight years."

Warren chortled in response before kissing Nathan on the cheek. "It was worth the wait."

Nathan nodded. "We certainly couldn't afford a room with this nice of a view back then." His eyes lit up as he added, "We couldn't have afforded whale watching either." He was certainly looking forward to that.

"I didn't mean that because of all the stuff we can now afford, though that is a nice perk." Warren leaned back in towards Nathan and gently nipped at his earlobe. "I love you even more now than I did then." His breath was hot in Nathan's ear, causing Nathan to tense up. Warren chuckled, loving that he was already having an effect on his boyfriend. He traced the outer rim of Nathan's ear with his tongue, kissed down his jawline and over to his lips.

Even though they'd been back together for a year, Nathan still found that it electrifying when Warren kissed him that certain special way, like he was at that moment. It made him feel desirable and aroused and always left him wanting more. Which was unfortunate, as Warren pulled away, making sure he had a tight grip on Nathan's hair so he wouldn't be able to reclose the distance.

"Ya know, all we have scheduled today is the Aquarium visit and I'm sure it won't take that long." Warren may have carried himself like he was the one in control of the situation, but the huskiness in his voice said otherwise. "I wouldn't mind going after lunch instead of before." He sauntered over to the sliding glass door that led back into their hotel room. As he entered the threshold he looked back at Nathan and started undoing the belt to his robe. "Also, I'm not wearing anything under this robe." He gave Nathan a coy wink before disappearing into the room.

Nathan dashed after him; he didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

Even back when he'd been using, Nathan had always been extremely affectionate for a long period of time after they had sex. Warren always found it endearing, a sign that the act really meant something to Nathan. Back then, it was really the only way Nathan knew how to show affection. He certainly hadn't been romantic and didn't have anything in the way of words. All he really had was physical affection and photography, whether that be him making sure to show Warren his photos or taking photos of Warren. Though now as a full-fledged adult, Nathan indeed had gained the gift of gab, Warren still knew that Nathan showing physical affection was what was really intimate to him.

It did have its drawbacks, though, like when he was trying to get ready for the day and what normally taken a half hour took two full hours because Nathan just wanted cuddles and kisses. He also made the mistake of having Nathan smell the aftershave he'd put on, which led to yet another round of cuddles and kisses. The only upside was they'd be having lunch so late they'd miss the lunch rush. Well, that and he still adored getting affection from Nathan, even if it did sometimes make him late for things.

As he spritzed on some cologne in the bathroom he examined himself in the mirror. Today was supposed to be special and he wanted to make sure he looked the part. He was even wearing a button-up shirt for once instead of his usual t-shirts which he'd never grown out of wearing. He'd already double checked to make sure he didn't miss a spot when he shaved, not that there was much hair to begin with. His hair was still messy as always, but not unbearably so. All he needed was to make sure he had that thing in his pocket.

That thing in his pocket.

In his pocket.

Oh, _fuck_!

He tried not to look panicked as he left the bathroom as what he was looking for couldn't have left the hotel room, as he hadn't since he first put it in his pocket. Of course Nathan had to have found it. Of course he was looking right at the box that he was currently holding in his hand. Even though Nathan didn't say anything, of course he knew what it was. What else could possibly be in that box?

"Warren, what's this?" Nathan asked, a confounded look on his face. "Is this… a ring?"

Warren's lips tightened into a flat line. He'd meticulously planned every single detail of how this was supposed to happen, and this was _not_ it! They were going to walk on the beach, and there was a long speech he'd memorized, and it was all for naught!

"Yeah."

Nathan bit his lip, not sure how to proceed when it was evident that Warren was excruciatingly irritated. "What… uh…. What's it for?"

"You know damn well what it's for!" Warren huffed and angrily plopped on the bed. He cradled his face in his hands. All that planning just to be fucked up because the damn box fell out of his pocket, probably when Nathan was rubbing up on him going for a round two, which he declined because he was sure it was going to happen later if everything went well.

"So I'm not being presumptuous in assuming this means you want to marry me?"

Though he was grateful that Nathan was now much better at describing thoughts and feelings due to his counseling training, Warren hated the fact that he'd also been trained to be the most stoic person in the universe. The way he asked that last question one would think he was asking something mundane like something about the weather or what they want for dinner, not something as serious as the topic of marriage. He had no idea what Nathan was thinking, something that had never used to be a problem and it was driving him crazy.

"Yes, Nathan." He sighed, closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He was certain he'd never been so irritated in his whole life as he'd never had anything he put that much planning into fail so exponentially. He started planning it, with the advice of Max and Kate, as soon as he and Nathan began talks of taking a week off for their anniversary three months prior. They researched to find a spot where there were at least somewhat frequent whale sightings, which luckily wasn't hard to sell Nathan on the idea of going to that particular beach for that reason. He'd spent all three months planning what he wanted to say.

And that fucking ring! It had been a huge pain in the ass trying to find out Nathan's ring size as they were worried he'd catch on. They eventually had to enlist the help of Victoria, who worked her ass off trying to acquire the information and he owed her big. She also helped him pick out the ring, which in and of itself had been its own nightmare because she insisted it needed to be special. He agreed with her but finding something they both deemed special that they both thought Nathan would like was damn near impossible.

Needless to say, Warren was fuming that all that planning had gone to waste. That was, until he felt a pair hands grabbing his face. He opened his eyes to see that Nathan was on his knees in front of him. His expression was one Warren hadn't seen on his face in a long time, since the first time Warren told him he loved him way back when they were still going to Blackwell Academy. His eyes were glossy and had a softness in their expression, his lips were slightly quivering, and his cheeks were tinted pink.

"Yes, oh my fucking God yes!" Their lips collided, with Nathan murmuring "Yes" over and over between kisses. Before Warren could really comprehend what was happening, he'd been laid back on the bed with Nathan on top of him, his fingers quickly unbuttoning Warren's shirt. As he felt a gentle sucking on his neck, Warren pushed Nathan away.

"Wait, wait, woah." Warren looked up at Nathan with wide eyes. "You… you wanna get married?"

"Yes," Nathan gasped. He ran his fingers through Warren's brown tresses as she looked down at him affectionately. "More than anything… You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Warren smiled up at Nathan, his eyes sparkling as he whispered, "I love you so much." As he pulled Nathan down into a kiss once again he thought about how wonderful this was. Sure, the proposal hadn't gone as planned but neither had their entire relationship. What had initially started out as something with so much turmoil almost a decade ago had never gone as expected. They went through so many trials and so many twists and turns. They both grew more than they'd ever thought and they were both so fortunate that they grew back together. They were now happy, immensely so, and now they were getting married and maybe it was okay that things didn't go according to plan. Life and love are strange like that.


End file.
